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Saturday, 13 May 2017

Love Destroys Divorce

As we all know a family is the basic functional and structural unit of our society. The strength of our society lies in the collective performance of our families. The strength of the family depends on the power of binding forces acting upon its members. That strongest binding power in my view is nothing but 3D-Love. The love between husband and wife, and between parents and children. We ourselves have invented a number of evil elements to break these strongest bonds like greed for money, materials, buildings, property and lust in the name of development and indiscriminate enjoyment. Long long ago it was being told that love is blind. Now it's no more blind. It's blinding in the glare of degrees of education and decrees of infatuation.

Nations, States, countries, communities and even families can be easily broken into bits of desolation and sorrow through  'Divide and Rule Policy' of the greedy world. Husband is divided from wife, parents from children and citizens from their nations just to become posh servants of rich capitalists, employees of companies somewhere abroad or in other cities, far away from life partners, children, mothers and motherland.   Physical divisions will definitely lead to mental divisions that in turn may lead to divorces. There are many excuses shown to divide but major hidden causes may be as follows:

1) EXTRA-MARTIAL SEXUAL CONTACTS:

Extra-marital sexual affairs are a cause for the dissolution of most marriages that end in divorce. The factors that are respinsible for extra-marital relationships may be as follows:

i) Lack of love, affection, dedication and honesty towards ones spouse.

ii) Habituated to change lovers and sex partners since school days to marriage due to different reasons. May be due to a long gap between pubery and marriage, and also may be due to child marriage ban followed by unbearable heat of romance, obscenity, nudity and sex generated by different kinds of media and cinema.

iii) Watching more beautiful girls, women, ladies, actresses, heroines,  and models or more handsome boys, men, actors, heroes than their spouses in and around our living places or on screens will reduce interest in their own spouses some times. 

iv) Intimate relationships beyond limits with colleagues, commuters, relations and  neighbours of opposite sex.

v) Long periods of menstruation, pregnancy and postpregnancy periods among wives and diseased or injured periods of husbands.

vi) Absence of life partners for a considerable period of time due to  far away journeys, foreign tours, or foreign jobs.

vii) Exposure to obscenity, nudity and sex on TV or mobile screens.

viii) When one of the spouse not interested, efficient or competent enough to participate in a kind of sexual act as so in novels or videos.

ix) Visit to pubs and nude dances especially with their boyfriends or girlfriends.

x) Easy adultery or availability of brothels, pimps  and prostitutes in the society.

xi) Differences in sexual appetite and lack of emotional intimacy.

xii) Disfiguration of a spouse's body due to overweight, age or other reasons. Overweight is basically due to obesity. Obesity is due to more intake but less expenditure of energy. This in turn is due white collar jobs, electrical and electronic appliances and gadgets without sufficient physical activities. The basic symptom of development! 

xiii) Husbands addicted to texting on mobiles upto too late in the evenings or beyond midnight.

xiv) Impotency or weak nervous systems and consequent dysfunctioning of organs due to constant exposure to radiation from computers, mobiles, television, etc along with lack of sufficient physical activities and balanced diet especially fresh fruits and vegetables. The latter aspect is fully overtaken by fast food, junk food and carbonated drinks.

xv) Dysfunctioning of sex organs due to obesity, diabetes, deficiency diseases, global warming and rapid increas in temperature due to pollution, lack of 33.3% tree cover in human habitats, heat islands amidst concrete jungles is also a strong cause!

xvi) Different job timings for spouses or night duty for a spouse.

xvii) Any one spouse goes regularly into inebriated or intoxicated condition during nights  by taking drugs or liquors.

2) FINANCIAL REASONS:

The second important cause  is financial aspects. Marriages are no more made in heaven but in posh and magnificient marriage halls with a lot of glare and show put up. Marriages are hardly a glimpse of love and affection, but a kind of commercial activity. So many things stand between two hearts to meet and understand mutually. Dowry, gifts and presentations occupy the primary position.  Money, materials and properties always be there to spoil the holistic thought of marriage. No much discussion about love and affection. The only version that's acceptable these days is how much money earned, ethnically or unethically, and being spent in the marriage! That's why the bond of love and affection is very feeble these days to bind the bride and bridegroom forever! So many cases of divorce and broken families are rampant these days. Here  some more financial reasons are given:

i) Different spending habits of a spouse.

ii) Different financial goals of a spouse.

iii) Two different spouses from two different financial backgrounds.

iv) One spouse of corruptive mentality and the other of honesty.

v) One spouse of simple and natural lifestyle and the other of luxurious, extravagant, posh and ostentatious lifestyles.

vi) Husband can't cope up with daily,  educational or medical expenditure in family.

vii) Wife or her parents not paid the dowry, or given gold and gifts as per the promise or the as per later desires.

viii) Husnand is financially irresponsible and has failed to maintain his wife or the children properly.

ix) Husband is wasting money in bettings, gamblings, or pubs and prostitution.

x) One spouse may be spending money towards ones parents or relations without other's consent or willingness.

3) OTHER REASONS:

i) Anger and resentment.

ii) Conversion of emotional affair before marriage into physical affair after marriage.

iii) Lack of effective communication between spouses like yelling at spouses for simple reasons especially in front of other ladies, not talking enough throughout the day due to busy schedules or texting on mobiles, making nasty comments to express oneself, telling lies, scolding, etc.

iv) Arguing about every simple reasonable and unreasonable issues especially about kids, customs, culture, food preparations, shopping, etc.

v) Obesity, weight gain, lack of physical fitness, disfiguration  of body, etc are common reasons for divorce.

vi) Unrealistic expectations during romantic days before marriage.
vii) Lack of intimacy due to overtime jobs, business, cellophane texting, TV watching,  etc.

viii) Lack of equality due to gender bias or position in jobs.

ix) Unhappiness and stress due to attitudes of spouses.

x) Oral or physical abuses and physical violence.

xi) Spouses drinking excessively.

xii) Spouses behaves in an unreasonable and aggressive manner under the influence of alcohol and drugs.

xiii) Chronic diseases making a spouse unfit for sexual life.

xiv) Lack of elders or well wishers to bridge the gap of resentment between husband and wife due to small nuclear family system or money saving mechanism.

We can't say that all these factors or at least some of these will definitely lead to divorce. No, never be so! As mentioned earlier the power of love and affection decimates all these reasons and stand aloft to safeguard the holistic relationships between husband and wife.  But once if that power is also made powerless for the sake of colourful world or transient pleasures, then no one can avoid the tumbling down of relationships.

We can just say that these are some of the reasons for divorce or Talaq. Here majority think about divorses and legal games what to play after that unfortunate incident.  Better well-wishers, governments, courts,  organizations, parties and leaders stop talking much about what to do after divorces but start thinking about how to prevent these divorces. There is only one way to make the nation grow stronger, that is "prevention is better than cure!" Avoid forces that weaken the bonds of love and affection between spouses and among the members of a family, though it costs billions of rupees or dollars in the form of loss of business or taxes to the people and government! Then there won't be any Talaq .... Talaq ..... Talaq. Only Love ..... Love ..... Love!